Why More Women Are Choosing Divorce Over Dying as ‘Sanskari Bahu’

Marriage in India often arrives with fanfare, blessings, and promises of love — but for many women, it quietly comes with a job description that no one told them about. From the moment of the first “sanskari bahu” training (also called family advice), she is expected to serve, sacrifice, smile, and shrink — all while being told she is “lucky to have freedom” in a “liberal household.” Yes, freedom, where choosing her own dinner menu might require approval, and deciding to travel means a full “discussion” with her husband and in-laws.

Increasingly, women are realizing that this gilded cage is not marriage — it’s a life of being objectified, overworked, and socially conditioned to think that silence equals virtue. And when the modern woman starts asking: “What about my dreams, my body, my choices?” — society is shocked. Shocked, I tell you! And so, divorce becomes not rebellion, but the ultimate act of self-respect, sanity, and reclaiming the human rights she was never given.

It starts innocently enough: “Welcome to the family, beta.” But soon, every choice is no longer hers. She is expected to change her routines, tastes, and personality to fit into a mold designed decades ago by elders who never asked for her opinion. Every achievement, hobby, or skill is seen through the lens of “supporting the husband” rather than enriching her own life. The modern woman looks around and thinks: “Wait, when did I become the property, and not a person?”

From cooking elaborate meals to washing clothes, cleaning spaces she doesn’t even live in comfortably, performing rituals, entertaining relatives, and managing endless schedules — a lot of Indian marriages treat women like 24/7 labor with no overtime pay, no vacation, and absolutely no breaks. Some husbands call this tradition; some call it love. Either way, the woman is left wondering: “Did I marry a person or a household management system?”

Sacrifice has been romanticized so much that if a woman ever expresses her needs, she is immediately labeled “selfish.” Want to pursue a career? Selfish. Want to travel alone? Selfish. Want to spend an evening watching Netflix instead of hosting in-laws? Definitely selfish. And the ultimate irony? Many men pat themselves on the back for being “liberal,” while subtly reminding her that her happiness is secondary.

Ah, the so-called “liberal” husband — who declares, “Do whatever you want, beta.” Sounds perfect, right? Except “whatever” usually means things that do not disrupt his comfort, ego, or convenience. Want to take a course, join a club, or live life on your terms? Sure, as long as it doesn’t inconvenience anyone else. The freedom offered is conditional, performative, and utterly controlling. Divorce exposes this hypocrisy: freedom isn’t a gift to be granted — it’s a right to be claimed.

Beyond physical work, women carry emotional labor no one acknowledges: remembering birthdays, mediating family drama, planning festivals, keeping everyone happy, and pretending everything is fine when it isn’t. It’s exhausting. And yet, she’s expected to smile while society calls her “devoted” and “dutiful.” Divorce says loudly: “I refuse to be the emotional sponge for everyone else’s happiness at the cost of mine.”

Marriage can subtly erase identity: her clothes, her decisions, her body, her choices, her social life — all filtered through what’s acceptable to husband, in-laws, and society. When she asks for space, autonomy, or respect, it’s treated as a rebellion, a disruption. Divorce is her statement: “My individuality isn’t optional. I exist outside your control.”

Continuous overwork, suppression of needs, and denial of autonomy take a serious toll. Stress, anxiety, depression, and chronic fatigue are common, yet society expects endurance. Divorce becomes a radical act of self-preservation, not selfishness. Choosing life, health, and sanity is a revolutionary act in a system that expects women to survive quietly, rather than thrive.

By leaving a marriage that dehumanizes them, women teach children and society that strength is in self-respect, not submission. Sons learn that authority is earned, not inherited. Daughters learn that courage isn’t silence - it’s asserting your rights. Divorce becomes a lesson in human dignity that no tradition manual could teach.

Society loves to preach: “Marriage is sacred, duty is noble, sacrifice is virtue.” Yet when a woman exercises autonomy, she faces gossip, judgment, and questioning of her character. Meanwhile, men who control or limit choices are called “reasonable” or “liberal.” Divorce flips the script, exposing the double standards and hypocrisy of traditions that prioritize male comfort over female life.