Alimony: A Legal Right, Not a Favour; Why Men Fear It More Than Divorce
Nidhi | Oct 23, 2025, 13:27 IST
Alimony
( Image credit : Freepik )
For generations, women were told to depend, not demand. But as they claim their rightful share through alimony, men are finding the tables have turned. This article explores why alimony — a legal right meant to ensure justice and financial equality — has become a symbol of fear and ego in modern marriages. It dives into the psychology of men’s discomfort, the roots of patriarchal control, and the growing recognition of women’s unpaid labour that’s finally being valued in courtrooms.
For centuries, women have lived within invisible chains: bound not by metal, but by expectations. From how they should look to how they should serve, patriarchy has written their scripts in silence. It taught women that their worth was measured not by their dreams, but by their devotion - to family, to husband, to a system that rewarded their sacrifice with invisibility.
But something has changed. The quiet endurance that once defined womanhood is transforming into a voice — strong, aware, and unafraid. Women are no longer asking to be seen; they are demanding it. And as this change ripples through families, workplaces, and courtrooms, one issue seems to strike a nerve deeper than most: alimony.
Why does a woman’s right to financial justice after divorce shake men more than the divorce itself? Why does “fairness” suddenly feel like punishment?
In patriarchal societies, control often came disguised as protection. Men were raised to believe they were the “providers” - the ones who take care of women. On the surface, that sounds noble. But beneath it lies an unspoken condition: if I provide, I own.
This mindset created marriages that were less about partnership and more about possession. A woman’s dependence - emotional, financial, and social; became a way to keep her tethered. Her contributions at home - raising children, maintaining households, supporting careers; were treated as duties, not labour.
When women today claim alimony, they are not just asking for money; they are challenging centuries of this conditioning. They are saying: “I gave my time, my labour, my years - and that has value.”
But for many men, this feels like rebellion. Because for generations, they were not taught to see women as equals - they were taught to see them as extensions of themselves.
“Patriarchy doesn’t only teach women to be submissive; it teaches men to fear women who are not.”
When that fear surfaces, it isn’t always loud - it hides behind words like unfair, greedy, gold digger. But beneath those words lies the deeper anxiety of losing control.
Let’s be clear: alimony is not a favour; it’s justice in motion. It exists to restore balance after a systemically unequal arrangement ends.
In most marriages - especially in South Asia, women still shoulder the majority of unpaid labour. According to a 2019 UN report, Indian women perform 312 minutes of unpaid work per day, compared to 52 minutes by men. That means years of work that builds homes, supports ambitions, and nurtures families: all without a paycheck.
When a marriage ends, alimony recognizes this invisible economy. It acknowledges that while men often built their careers, women built the foundation that made those careers possible.
Yet many men see alimony as an attack, not accountability. Why? Because they were never taught to value emotional or domestic labour. They were taught that “providing” money absolves them of all else and when that illusion collapses, ego rushes in to fill the void.
“A woman asking for alimony is not asking for a man’s money — she’s asking for recognition of the life she helped build.”
The truth is, alimony doesn’t take away a man’s dignity — it asks him to share it.
At its core, alimony threatens not a man’s finances, but his identity.
For generations, masculinity has been tied to control: control over wealth, decisions, and dependents. The traditional male upbringing, even today, rarely includes emotional literacy. Boys are told not to cry, not to express vulnerability, and certainly not to feel dependent. They grow into men who equate financial dominance with emotional security.
So when a court orders a man to pay alimony, it isn’t just a financial ruling — it’s a psychological rupture. It tells him that his role as “provider” is not above scrutiny, that his power is not absolute. For some, that feels unbearable.
This is why many men “fear” alimony more than divorce itself. Divorce ends a relationship. Alimony ends an illusion; the illusion that men alone define a family’s worth.
When women demand alimony, they are not clinging to dependency; they are reclaiming agency. They are saying that care has value, and contribution has cost.
The discomfort men feel is not because women are being unfair — it’s because they are finally being seen.
Alimony is only one chapter in a much larger story of gender imbalance.
Women are still fighting to be recognized as equals - not just in the courtroom, but in workplaces, homes, and society at large. Marital rape is still not criminalized in several countries. Dowry-related harassment persists. The gender pay gap remains stubborn.
When a woman demands alimony, she is not asking for luxury; she is asking for fairness in a world where even survival is politicized. She is asking for acknowledgment in a system that has long undervalued her emotional labour, her unpaid contributions, and her right to autonomy.
Men often respond with: “But she can earn now, she doesn’t need alimony.”
Yes - she can. But can she reclaim the years she gave up to raise children, relocate for her husband’s job, or pause her dreams? Alimony doesn’t erase the past — it simply honors it.
As long as society continues to place women in positions where their financial independence is secondary to their marital role, alimony will remain not just fair: but essential.
The conversation around alimony is not about divorce; it’s about equality. It’s about a woman saying: “I mattered. My years mattered. My work mattered.”
Men fear alimony not because it’s unjust, but because it redefines justice. It forces a reckoning with everything they were taught about gender, pride, and ownership.
The new generation of women isn’t asking for power - they’re taking back what was always theirs: respect, recognition, and choice.
As Audre Lorde once said, “The master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house.” Alimony may have begun as a tool within a patriarchal system, but in the hands of women who refuse to be silenced, it’s becoming something more: a symbol of justice that patriarchy never intended to exist.
This revolution isn’t loud; it’s steady. And it’s changing everything.
But something has changed. The quiet endurance that once defined womanhood is transforming into a voice — strong, aware, and unafraid. Women are no longer asking to be seen; they are demanding it. And as this change ripples through families, workplaces, and courtrooms, one issue seems to strike a nerve deeper than most: alimony.
Why does a woman’s right to financial justice after divorce shake men more than the divorce itself? Why does “fairness” suddenly feel like punishment?
1. The Weight of Patriarchy: Control Disguised as Care
marriage crimes
( Image credit : Freepik )
This mindset created marriages that were less about partnership and more about possession. A woman’s dependence - emotional, financial, and social; became a way to keep her tethered. Her contributions at home - raising children, maintaining households, supporting careers; were treated as duties, not labour.
When women today claim alimony, they are not just asking for money; they are challenging centuries of this conditioning. They are saying: “I gave my time, my labour, my years - and that has value.”
But for many men, this feels like rebellion. Because for generations, they were not taught to see women as equals - they were taught to see them as extensions of themselves.
“Patriarchy doesn’t only teach women to be submissive; it teaches men to fear women who are not.”
When that fear surfaces, it isn’t always loud - it hides behind words like unfair, greedy, gold digger. But beneath those words lies the deeper anxiety of losing control.
2. Alimony: A Legal Right, Not a Favour
Alimony
( Image credit : Freepik )
When a marriage ends, alimony recognizes this invisible economy. It acknowledges that while men often built their careers, women built the foundation that made those careers possible.
Yet many men see alimony as an attack, not accountability. Why? Because they were never taught to value emotional or domestic labour. They were taught that “providing” money absolves them of all else and when that illusion collapses, ego rushes in to fill the void.
“A woman asking for alimony is not asking for a man’s money — she’s asking for recognition of the life she helped build.”
The truth is, alimony doesn’t take away a man’s dignity — it asks him to share it.
3. Why Alimony Threatens More Than Money: The Psychological Battle
Leaving the Marriage
( Image credit : Pexels )
For generations, masculinity has been tied to control: control over wealth, decisions, and dependents. The traditional male upbringing, even today, rarely includes emotional literacy. Boys are told not to cry, not to express vulnerability, and certainly not to feel dependent. They grow into men who equate financial dominance with emotional security.
So when a court orders a man to pay alimony, it isn’t just a financial ruling — it’s a psychological rupture. It tells him that his role as “provider” is not above scrutiny, that his power is not absolute. For some, that feels unbearable.
This is why many men “fear” alimony more than divorce itself. Divorce ends a relationship. Alimony ends an illusion; the illusion that men alone define a family’s worth.
When women demand alimony, they are not clinging to dependency; they are reclaiming agency. They are saying that care has value, and contribution has cost.
The discomfort men feel is not because women are being unfair — it’s because they are finally being seen.
4. Behind Alimony: The Larger Injustice Women Still Face
Alimony
( Image credit : Freepik )
Women are still fighting to be recognized as equals - not just in the courtroom, but in workplaces, homes, and society at large. Marital rape is still not criminalized in several countries. Dowry-related harassment persists. The gender pay gap remains stubborn.
When a woman demands alimony, she is not asking for luxury; she is asking for fairness in a world where even survival is politicized. She is asking for acknowledgment in a system that has long undervalued her emotional labour, her unpaid contributions, and her right to autonomy.
Men often respond with: “But she can earn now, she doesn’t need alimony.”
Yes - she can. But can she reclaim the years she gave up to raise children, relocate for her husband’s job, or pause her dreams? Alimony doesn’t erase the past — it simply honors it.
As long as society continues to place women in positions where their financial independence is secondary to their marital role, alimony will remain not just fair: but essential.
5. The Revolution Is Just Beginning
Money
( Image credit : Pexels )
The conversation around alimony is not about divorce; it’s about equality. It’s about a woman saying: “I mattered. My years mattered. My work mattered.”
Men fear alimony not because it’s unjust, but because it redefines justice. It forces a reckoning with everything they were taught about gender, pride, and ownership.
The new generation of women isn’t asking for power - they’re taking back what was always theirs: respect, recognition, and choice.
As Audre Lorde once said, “The master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house.” Alimony may have begun as a tool within a patriarchal system, but in the hands of women who refuse to be silenced, it’s becoming something more: a symbol of justice that patriarchy never intended to exist.
This revolution isn’t loud; it’s steady. And it’s changing everything.